


What is Object Permanence?

by DickDimension



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F, F/M, Gore, M/M, Multi, Other, Shenanigans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-05
Updated: 2014-01-05
Packaged: 2018-01-07 15:04:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 2,937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1121271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DickDimension/pseuds/DickDimension
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>These fics were written by six folks at a party, where we each started one and passed them around without rhyme or reason. As a result, we're treated to some surprising turns, and a callous disregard of object permanence.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Stump

**Author's Note:**

> Please note that in addition to sex and violence, these fics contain some offensive language and concepts. These were written soon after playing Cards Against Humanity; If you like Cards Against Humanity, you may enjoy these but if you find that game upsetting or offensive, please don't continue. Thank you!

“Why is everyone so mean to me?” Eridan whined.

Eridan trudged morosely through the mucus of Gllylfdylach…. Feferi’s lusus. He clutched desperately at his stump appendage—the arm that once was now missing.

“I’m so sad,” Eridan whined. “Especially now that I’m stuck with this stump…”

But then, a small vibration and a sound alerted him to an incoming Trollian chat on his cell phone.

“What a whiny bitch,” it was Sollux. “Why don’t you go take a shit and roll around in it.”

Eridan’s blood boiled with erotic hate. “It would get all in the water in a big cloud you idiot do you even know how living underwater works!”

“I know that assholes live underwater!” Sollux yelled back.

“Eat my nook!” cried Eridan.

“Maybe I will!” Sollux moaned as he ripped off his pants. They were trick pants. Like strippers wore.

Eridan’s bulge popped out of his boner holder and he fumbled with his pants. His were not trick pants, which wasn’t fair. He was the wizard. Why no trick pants for him?!

No trick pants for him because he wore a diving suit. Christ. Eridan tore the goggles from his head as he began to divest himself of his wetsuit, a rough feat having possession of one arm.

“Yeah well we’ll see whose nook gets sucked today, bulge blow!”

“It’s a challenge!” Sollux cried as he leapt forth, tackling Eridan to the ground.

“Forget your trick pants?” Sollux hissed.

“Fuck you, I’m a wizard!” Eridan screamed, and thrust his bulge against Sollux’s butt. “I don’t even NEED a bulge to fuck you senseless!”

Eridan took his still-bleeding stump and shoved it up Sollux’s butthole. Sollux groaned. “How are you doing that without lube?!” he asked.

Eridan smirked. “Everyone knows sea-dweller blood is made out of soap,” he said, right before he died from extreme blood loss.

A single mustard tear ran down Sollux’s cheek. “In your memory, I will keep your arm stump in my butthole until the day I die,” he said. “You were the best whiny wizard prince ever.”

THE END


	2. Dirk readies for the rap battle

After months of practice, Dirk was finally ready to enter the annual rap battle contest. He had doubted his abilities before, but he finally felt like he had reached the professional level. He needed to succeed to impress his secret crush, Jake English.

He cuddled up between Sawtooth and Squarewave, his polyamorous robot lovers. "Think I got what it takes, guys?" he asked.

Squarewave's only response was to robotically thrust his hips against Dirk's side in tune with the music. Well, the ironically simple beat.

Meanwhile, Sawtooth leaned down, ignoring the other robot's lewd & virtually ineffective gesture of interest.

"I'll take that as a yes, guys." His voice faltered as he tried to reassure himself. While being air humped by one robot and leered down on by another. There was a sudden charge in the air. An electricity pulsating through him.

"I want you both," Dirk moaned, all thoughts of Jake English suddenly flushed from his mind in a haze of robot lust. "I want to be... DP'd..."

"Nah," said Squarewave dismissively. "We're going to make you wait!" He lurched robotically at Sawtooth and their metal bodies crushed together awkwardly, metal fingers found homes in whatever socket-holes they could find, and they each let out a sort of screeching. Dirk found the display extremely erotic and took out his dick. His dick was also a robot. 

Dirk's dick Wi-Fi connected to the dick Wi-Fi of the two robots (the people robots I mean) as they clanked together faster and faster. The friction that was building up was extremely hot as they went faster and faster, and Dirk was convulsing in robo-pleasure.

Then again, the friction was literally hot. The two robot dicks were going so fast that they melted, fusing the two robots together at the hips. The sight was so arousing that Dirk's robo-cock came electricity.

Meanwhile, as the two robo dicks were now fuck-welded together, their bodies began crashing into each other as the curtains to the rap battle stage they all stood on. Dirk, Wi-Fi robo dick in hand & electrocuting the front row with Squarewave & Sawtooth, fuck-welded & clashing around.


	3. Vriska's Secret Weapon

This is my new secret weapon," Vriska cackled maniacally.

Terezi stood, arms crossed, unimpressed.

"And what is that supposed to be?" asked the tealblood.

"It's a Drilldo," Vriska said, one triumphant hand on her hip. "It'll fuck you into oblivion."

"A... Drilldo?" Terezi asked. She approached the device tentatively, a plush scalemate in her arms. "Professor Berrybreath will deduce the worthiness of this contraption!"

Terezi bonked the plush toy into the side a few times. It squeaked as it hit the Drilldo. Vriska rolled her eyes.

"HE SAYS IT LOOKS NEAT BUT HE WANTS TO TEST IT OUT," Terezi said.

They hooked the plushy professor into the fuck harness and turn it on. Immediately, a gigantic cock popped out of a panel and pulverized Berrybreath, the huge weiner ripping his head off from the inside.

The spectacle was highly arousing to both the troll girls. Terezi pulled out her bulge and started thrusting into pile of stuffing guts.

Cotton isn't very good for troll sum, especially such a sensitive area. Cottony mutilated scalemate fluff, while erotic at first, has a certain texture to it that didn't quench the need. Warmth, softness. Terezi glanced back to Vriska, still clutching the fluffy corpse to her bulge.

"This is... acceptable to the court."

"Acceptable or not, you are to be subjected to A WHOLE HOST OF THEM!" Vriska waved her arms. Now she had THREE Drilldos.

"Up to triple penetration in mouth, nook, & buttocks?" Vriska sought consent and Terezi gave it to her hard.

Berrybreath's corpse dropped to the ground as Terezi lunged for Vriska, or rather, her arsenal. Taking a Drilldo into each hand, she thrust one against her rival's nook and the other along her own tongue. Mmm, peppermint!

"Oh yes!" Vriska screamed. "Drill me!"

Terezi moaned as well, as a Drilldo pounded into her nook. "Mmf! Of course! Pass me that scalemate! Your judgment ... and sentence... is to watch me fuck Senator Lemonsnout."

The Scourge Sisters then de-evolved into a pile of writhing, moaning, Drilldoed, plush-fucking animals.

THE END


	4. The Sin of Lust

Hell was a pretty alright place, all things considered. There was the constant torture, which was kind of shitty, but at least here, Cronus could finally get laid. “Finally, he sighed, the clove cig pasted to his lips with saliva and sweat quivered. As well as many other things. “Just gotta find the babe to rescue…”

Damara would have rolled her eyes, listening to this new loser, but blank white eyes made that difficult.

(Insert Japanese text here)

“What?” Cronus asked. Some chick was speaking some weird foreign language shit.

(more Japanese)

Now Cronus could see her. Amidst the blazing fires of hell, she was like an unintelligible sex angel.

(Japanese text translating to some vulgar shit)

“I, I’m here for you…sweet tits. I’ll save you and let you reward me with some sweet, swee—“

Suddenly, a voice from behind him said, “Careful hon, looks like you need some saving yourself first.”

Cronus turned around to see Bro Strider looming predatorily over him. “Who the fuck are you?”

“I’m Dave Strider’s Bro guardian dad thing.”

“None of that means anything to me.”

“I don’t care,” Bro said as he took off his pants to reveal a massive writhing tentacle jellyfish thing where his bulge should have been.

Damara blushed, the jellyfish thing was the sexiest thing she had ever seen. But she knew the rules. It was not for her. This was Bro’s domain, and he had chosen another.

The jellyfish wobbled sexily, and let out a juicy squelch. Cronus was ready.

The seadweller bent over while Damara lifted her skirt. If she couldn’t participate, she was so going to jill off to this. But luckily, voyeurism is participation.

Cronus spread his ass cheeks, blissfully free of the mortal construct of clothes. He was always progressive like that.

“Awww yus,” Bro cooed, as his writhing jellyfish dick filled Cronus’s sweet alien ass.

“(Japanese),” screamed Damara as she fucked herself with a smuppet.

This was Bro’s domain, after all.


	5. And then they porked

Nanna Egbert loved a good joke. Up in heaven, she got to pull pranks all day long and it was awesome. She never wanted to leave, which is good because when you’re dead you’re dead forever.

Except when you’re not. One day, as she was waiting for God to walk by so she could spray him with silly string, she was suddenly ripped out of heaven back down to earth.

There was a loud bang, and then she was blinking her one working eye at her grandson. “AAAAAH,” she said, “Why the fuck am I part clown now?”

“Hahaha!” John giggled. “Gotcha, Nanna!”

“I don’t understand…” Nanna replied. Why did she have a big red clown nose and huge clown shoes?

“I baked you a ham!” John said excitedly. 

“A ham in my pants!” he continued, pulling his dorky shorts to reveal a massive red dildo in a comically oversized harness.

“Grandson,” Nanna said. Solemnly.

All the angelic joy that had gathered within her in heaven spilled out like dried beans from a punctured grocery bag.

“Grandson,” she repeated, “I am disappoint.”

She dropped to her ghostly knees and gripped her grandson’s big red dildo. John’s eyes widened in horror. “Nanna—wait!”

“Hoo hoo hoo! You call this a cock?” Nanna deep-throated it with the skilled practice of a trained professional.

“But Nanna!” John cried. “You just—oh my GOG”

“I am disappoint,” Nanna communicated with him symbolically, mouth wrapped around her grandson’s fake dick. “But this is how we teach lessons in the Egbert family.”

“WITH OTHERWORLDLY SKILLED ORAL SEX?” cried John, tears streaming down his face with pleasure and humiliation.

Ho ho ho, her chuckles vibrated through him. The stimulation on John’s real penis—smushed uncomfortably behind the dildo harness—combined with finally realizing his lifelong fantasy of being blown by a clown pushed him over the edge and he climaxed loudly. He came so hard he passed out.

When he came to, his nanna was gone, with just a faint “hoo hoo” reverberating in the distance. He looked down. The dildo had fused with his body to become his actual penis. “I guess that’ll teach me to play pranks on Nanna,” he said. Also, he comes confetti now.

THE END


	6. Dave's Your New Dad

“Karkat.”

“What, Strider.”

“I’m your new dad.”

Karkat looked up irritably from his computer. Dave Strider was standing at the door to his respiteblock. He was holding the claw of Karkat’s lusus tenderly. “I married your dad,” Dave said, “and now I’m your dad.”

“I… That sounds ‘incestuous,’” intoned Karkat.

“Oh yeah,” Dave deadpanned. “Incestuous, phallocentric, and hella gay.”

“Not,” Rose piped up from the corner, nose fuck-deep in her tome, “that this is a problem.”

Dave’s eyebrows shot up, the only indicator that he had even heard her. Karkat remained nonplussed, not giving a shit either way about incestuality. “You got something you’d like to share with the class?” Dave shifted, slipping a hand into an overwarm god-tiered pocket.

“It’s only incestuous if you want it to be, Karkles,” Dave said.

“This is getting a bit cissexist,” Rose sighed.

“I don’t know what the fuck any of you are talking about.” Karkles stood up, obviously infuriated. “I have a dad. I don’t need a new one. You are not my dad, Strider!”

Dave had a hint of a smirk on his face as he leaned in for a kiss with Crabdad. “Oh, I think you’re mistaken…”

Karkat jizzed his pants with rage.

#SO DONE


	7. Greatest Fanfic Yet

Rose was overjoyed—this would be her greatest fanfic yet! She had worked so hard on this—it was 50,000 words of pure smut. She couldn’t wait to see how many kudos she’d get on AO3. But first, her beta reader needed to proofread it.

“Harry Potter and the Chamber of Inflatable Buttplugs?” Karkat screeched. “What the fuck is this shit?”

“It’s an extremely intricate deconstruction of societal assumptions surrounding sexuality and the psychosocial impact of incestuous relations on child development.”

“That’s funny, because glancing through it, it looks a lot more like 50,000 words of gay wizards boning.”

“It has layers,” Rose deadpanned. 

Tears brimmed in Karkat’s eyes. Layers. Onions. Shrek. Eridan. By rejecting the loser fishface’s pale overtures (TRIGGER WARNING: victim self-blaming) it was his fault Eridan snapped and killed some bitches.

“I don’t see any fucking layers,” Karkat growled. “And your elaborate bullshit explanation of your shitsucking fanfiction sounds like something my assface ancestor would say.”

Rose rolled her eyes. “Surely you must have liked the part about the lusty seadweller tempting the lowblood land-dweller?”

Karkat rolled his eyes. “Yes, I loved where you blatantly documented the sexual escapades of you and your girlfriend with the thinnest veneer of fictionality.”

Rose stepped closer to Karkat. She palmed his crotch. “You liar, you didn’t even read it. Those two are moirails.” She gave a squeeze and Karkat whimpered. “God you’re pathetic.”

All Karkat could think of was her breasts. They were full-looking yet probably exaggerated. He had to cop a feel to know for sure. 

She might be lying. About her boobs. Non-verbally.

Such bitch. Wow.

“I’m not pathetic,” Karkat whined, forcing himself to look back into her violent eyes. (A/N: JUST LIKE MINE!!!1)

“What would you know about pale romance?” Karkat whined, frotting his bulge against her hand. 

“You’d be surprised how much I’ve researched your troll ways. I’m dating Kanaya after all.”

“I don’t want to know about your pailing escapades!” Karkat cried.

“Shut up mutant, and kiss me.”

#SO DONE


	8. Bed

Karkat stared in horror. “What the ever-grubbing fuck is that?” 

“Dude haven’t you ever seen a bed before man,” Dave said.

“No I have not seen a bed; we sleep in gross slime pits, remember?”

“Whoa, turn down the sarcasm, dude. I’m sure slime pits are a beautiful miracle of life in your culture.”

“Fuck you and fuck the horse you rode in on.” 

Dave raised an eyebrow and wiggled it. The troll blushed deeply, diverting his eyes from the human only to wander back to the bed.

“You know man, beds are soft platforms of pure wonder,” Dave offered. “Extra-plush love mats. Pillowed-pump-platforms. Soft—“

“What the fuck are you rambling about?” Karkat interjected. “Do you ever have a point?”

“Yeah, I got a point. Extra-sharp, sword-quality, cold-hard-steel point,” Dave said. He cast a smoldering glance at the troll. “Beds are great for pailing,” Dave said.

Karkat sneered, “Yeah. I bet. You know what else they’re good for is Ancient Celtic Yodeling.”

Dave’s face screwed in confusion briefly before smoothing back into a placid look of nonchalance. “You know what? That works too.”

Karkat unzipped his fly. His blood pusher pounded. “I think,” he breathed, “it’s time to have lube.”

“You got that right.”

Dave reached for the bottle of Anal-Eeze he always kept in his pocket. Bro had told him that it was one thing a Strider should never be without.

Karkat’s face flushed red with his mutant blood color. “Are you really gonna…”

Dave’s glasses glinted, just like in one of his shitty animes. “You bet.”

Dave pushed the troll backwards onto the bed. Karkat wriggled out of his pants the rest of the way while he waited for Dave to unleash his own cock.

“Are you ready?”

“Fuck yes ‘bro,’” Karkat sneered.

Dave unzipped his pants and fished out his dick. Karkat immediately emitted a high pitched screech and fled to the other side of the bed. "WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!”

A plushy, foamy, blue appendage closely resembling a smuppet proboscis poked out of his fly.

“What’s wrong?” Karkat couldn’t miss the subtle but undeniable discomfort in Dave’s voice.

“Um it’s blue.” Karkat tried not to sound too accusatory.

“Yeah wow nice observation.” Dave wiggled his dick, confidence reinstated. “Now shut up and roll over. Time to explore aliens on Uranus.”


	9. Her hate grew STRONG

Vriska’s stash of treasure loomed tall, glistening gold and bronze in the light of fires from the ships surrounding her. All of which burned as a result of her onslaught, of course. Blue lips cracked into a wicked grin.

She knew her enemy drew near. She could almost taste his awful stench in the air. Almost feel his bulging…muscles. Her hate grew STRONG. Equius approached.

Equius strode up, all 5’ 4” of pure unadulterated steak. Man troll steak. He flexed menacingly.

“Slightly lower-blood, I am here for you!”

Vriska wrinkled her nose. Stupid sweaty indigo blood. 

“To do what? Disgust me to death? Hahahahahahahaha.”

Equius began to sweat. “It would behoove you to be more polite.”

“Oh how nice—“ Vriska cackled, “Horse puns! You’re so ridiculously lame. Why not try something original?”

“Like what?”

Vriska pondered. “Hmm,” she thought. “How about fucking me with that horse dick?”

“Hatefully?” Equius clarified, sweat seeping through his black (TW!) spouse-beater top.

“Oh exxxxxxxxxtremely,” she assured him. 

“With both of them?” Vriska raised an eyebrow, not really sure what he meant. “Uh.”

“Of HORSE!” Equius cried, not expecting an opportunity for another horse pun. “Didn’t you know I’ve had two dicks?”

“But…but senpai!” Vriska blushed. “I thought only Sollux had…”

“You’ve pailed with Sollux?” Equius screamed in a strong sweaty jealous rage.

“Well,” Vriska said quickly.

“That is so…” Equius trembled, “disgusting and wrong…”

The thought of that despicable pairing sent him over the edge, and his two enormous horse cocks spewed everywhere.

Vriska was disgusted. She sent the loser away immediately. She guesses she wasn’t getting any tonight.

THE END


End file.
